If Chuck Norris Wants You to Know Where He Is Hell Find You

While "Chuck Norris jokes" are intended to charm, the hunky Hollywood martial artist is really pretty awesome in real life. Hither are some actual Chuck Norris facts to enjoy forth with the jokes:

• He hasn't lost a fight since 1968.
• He taught Steve McQueen Karate.
• The outset Westerner to accomplish the 8th Degree Black Belt Grandmaster in Taekwondo and has blackness belts in Brazilian Ju-Jitsu, Judo, and Tang Soo Practise.
• He invented his own martial art out of boredom, chosen Chun Kuk Do.
• He is a New York Times Best Selling author.

Chuck Norris facts about food

• Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
• Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice upwards his steaks.
• When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
• Some people like to swallow frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to swallow lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
• When Chuck Norris wants popcorn, he breathes on Nebraska.
• Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
• Chuck Norris does not eat. Food understands that the simply rubber haven from Chuck Norris' fists is inside his own body.

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Chuck Norris facts about animals

• Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.
• Once a cobra fleck Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating hurting, the cobra died.
• Chuck Norris can kill ii stones with one bird.
• Chuck Norris can pb a horse to h2o and make it potable.
• There is no theory of evolution. There's just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
• Chuck Norris once went to Mars. That's why there are no signs of life.

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Chuck Norris facts most winning games

• Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
• Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect 4 in only three moves.
• When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.
• Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
• Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hibernate-and-pray-I-don't-find-y'all."
• Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.
• If yous spell "Chuck Norris" in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

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Chuck Norris facts most the great outdoors

• Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
• Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of pelting.
• Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
• When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris visits an active volcano every morning to get some of "the best damn espresso on World."
• Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris needs toothpicks.
• Chuck Norris had to finish washing his clothes in the bounding main. The tsunamis were killing people.

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Chuck Norris facts about death

• Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
• Chuck Norris doesn't run across dead people. He makes people dead.
• Chuck actually died 4 years agone, merely the Grim Reaper tin can't go upwards the backbone to tell him.
• Chuck Norris doesn't cheat decease. He wins fair and foursquare.
• Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.
• When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
• The leading causes of death in the United states of america are Eye Disease, Chuck Norris, and Cancer.
• He who laughs terminal laughs best. He who laughs at Chuck Norris… dies.
• In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris Disease."

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Chuck Norris facts nigh sports

• In that location are no steroids in baseball, but players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
• Brett Favre tin can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris tin can throw Brett Favre even farther.
• Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes; he only knocks downward one pin and the other nine faint.
• Chuck Norris is the only homo to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
• Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.
• When Chuck Norris plays dodgeball, the balls dodge him.

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Chuck Norris facts almost language

• Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
• Chuck Norris can speak braille.
• Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
• Chuck Norris is not just a noun but a verb.
• Chuck Norris originally wrote the first lexicon. The definition for each discussion is as follows: A swift roundhouse boot to the face.
• "Low" is actually a Latin term. Translated, it means, "You can never be Chuck Norris."

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Chuck Norris facts about the man trunk

• Chuck Norris doesn't breathe; he holds air earnest.
• Chuck Norris's Claret Type is AK-47.
• Chuck Norris'south trunk temperature is 98.half dozen degrees… Celsius.
• Chuck Norris will never take a heart attack... even a heart isn't foolish enough to attack Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris' pulse is measured on the Richter calibration.
• Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Also bad, he has never cried.
• Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in all 50 states.

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Chuck Norris facts nigh relationships

• The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
• Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
• On Valentine's Day, Chuck Norris gives his wife the still-chirapsia center of one of his enemies. Being very romantic, Chuck Norris believes every day should be Valentine's Day.
• Chuck Norris' beard pilus is believed to be an aphrodisiac in China.
• Chuck Norris cannot dearest; he can but not kill.
• Backside every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, in that location is Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris doesn't say "who's your daddy," because he knows the reply.

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Chuck Norris facts near engineering

• Bill Gates lives in constant fearfulness that Chuck Norris' laptop will crash.
• Chuck Norris's keyboard has no "backspace" push button. Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
• If you spell Chuck Norris incorrect on Google, it doesn't say, "Did you lot mean Chuck Norris?" Information technology simply replies, "Run while you still have the take chances."
• Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
• Chuck Norris can never make full out an online grade because he will never submit.

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Source: https://facty.com/network/answers/things/what-are-the-funniest-chuck-norris-jokes/

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